LONDON, UNITED KINGDOM— Emphatically stating how Blockchain technology is going to disrupt the way we buy cereal, 3rd year Economics student James Wilson can’t contain his excitement for how the latest tech media buzzword is going to radically transform the world.
DES MOINES, IOWA— After receiving just .6% of the vote in the Iowa Caucus, former Maryland governor Martin O’Malley reportedly gave himself a pep talk amidst sobs during his post-result shower.
SAN JOSE, CA— Asserting his dominance over his subservient owner, 5 year old cat Tom pissed on owner Jeff’s freshly washed sheets to remind him who’s really in charge.
COVENTRY, UNITED KINGDOM— Warning students that failing to understand what was covered last week will lead them to fail their degrees, 54 year old Law professor George Jenkins consistently overstates the difficulty of the content of his lectures.
DES MOINES, IOWA— During last night’s GOP debate, Ted Cruz imitated Donald Trump by calling all of the GOP candidates stupid, fat, and ugly and Carson a terrible surgeon, which really hurt Carson’s feelings.
Hey you, uni student.
SAN FRANCISCO, CA— Terminating his 5 year career as a management consultant at Deloitte last week, 28 year old Marcus Smith is reportedly not looking for a career right now, just a job with benefits.
COVENTRY, UNITED KINGDOM— Having not read a single word of the assignment, 19 year old group member Tom Wesley feels that getting full credit for the Econometrics assignment he contributed nothing to is unfair.
LONDON, UNITED KINGDOM— Having crossed the Atlantic Ocean in a recent monumental career move, 34 year old ex-California weatherman Jimmy Melville is starting to realise that he is completely out of his depth reporting on the UK weather.
COVENTRY, UNITED KINGDOM— A recent Gallup Poll has depressing results for those looking to pursue a PhD in a subject they love: roughly 87% of seminar tutors are cripplingly lonely, largely due to lack of student participation.